Funny SMS - Only4SMS.Com

Monday, May 14, 2018

Funny SMS

Hello Friends, Today we have posted some Funny SMS. In this post you will get most popular Funny SMS in English font. If you search on google for Funny SMS Wishes, than you will get huge reasult but you will not get as you want.



Funny SMS:

1) Difference between Good & Bad Girls. Good Girls open a few button in hot atmosphere. But the Bad Girls open all buttons to make the atmosphere hot


2) Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this right time we shud talk abt sex. Daughter: Sure mom, tell me wat u want to know. Mom:##??!!

3) 1st sardar: Mumbai is the best city, ALL Free, Pickup, Drop, Food, Drink, Hotel even Sex. 2nd sardar:When did u go? 1st sardar:Not me, my wife went, she told me.

4) Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives. 1st: How urs look like? 2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. Wat abt urs? 1st: Forget mine. Lets find urs!!

5) Teacher: Why cows look depressedwhen they are milked? Student: Madam, if some1 press ur boobs for 2hrs & doesnt f**k u, then how do u feel??
6) Bride's dad hands a note the groom: "GOODS DELIVERED ARE NOT RETURNABLE". Groom gave another note back to him "CONTRACT VOID IF SEAL IS BROKEN".

7) Women asked man who is travelling with six children, all these kids are urs?? No, i work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints.
8) Wats the height of innocense? A 12year old girl applies pimples cream on her breast!

9) Why did they stop printing Pamela Anderson stamps in the U.S? Bcoz people started licking the wrong side.

10) Teacher: u know the importance ofperiod? Kid: Ya, once my sister said she hasmissed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran away.

11) SON: What is the difference between confidence and confidential? FATHER: I know that you are my son, that is confidence. Your friend is also my son, that is confidential!
12) Dhritarashtra said to his wife:Thanks for giving me 100 sons. She replied: If you were not blind, it would not have been possible!
13) WIFE: How much do you love me? HUSBAND: Like Shahjahan WIFE: Wow! You mean you will build a Taj Mahal for me after die? HUSBAND: I have already booked a plot for you, the delay is from your side!
14) A couple drove down the highway just a quarrel. Some pigs were passing by the road. Wife asked: Relatives of yours? Husbandreplied: Yeah, in-laws!
15) Every man before marriage is line AIRTEL: Aisi azadi aur kahan. After marriage he is like HUTCH: Wherever you go the network follows
16) After a quarrel, wife said to husband: You know, I was a fool when I married you. Husband replied: Yes dear, but I was in love and didn´t notice!

17) When I was interviewed for ajob, they asked how I´d feel about having a woman as my boss. I replied: Well,I´d feel right at home!
18) REPORTER: To what do you attribute your success? BUSINESSMAN: I decided to make a honest living and there isn´t much competition!

19) A mother waiting anxiously for her son on the last day of the term. MOM: At lgst you are home! Where is your report? SON: I haven't got it. MOM: How come? SON: I lent it to my friend. MOM: And why does need it? SON: He wants to scare his parents with it!

20) In a physics class, the teacherboiled some water. When the water startee boiling & making a noise, he asked: Why is the water making this noise Johnny? JOHNNY:That's the germs screaming beforethey are boiled!

21) MAN: My family is like a nation. My wife is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war and my daugher is foreign secretary. CO- WORKER: Sounds interesting! And what is your position? MAN: I'm the people. All I do is pay!

22) A frog phoned the psychic hotline and was told: You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you. FROG: This isgreat! Will I meet her in a party or what? PSYCHIC: No, next semester in her biology class!

23) An American comedian said: Peoplf say New Yorkes can't get along. Not true. I saw 2 coplete strangers sharing a cab. One took the tyres and other took the stereo!

24) Bruce Lee´s favourites: Vegetable- MU LEE Breakfast-ID LEE Festival-DIWA LEE Actress-SONA LEE Music-QAWWA LEE!

25) Marriage is like going to a restaurant. You order your choice from the menu and then look at the neighbouring table and wish you had ordered that!

26) Life is a paradox isn´t it ? What you want you don´t get. What you get you don´t enjoy. What is permanent is boring!

27) Indian earthquake kills 50 000! USA sending food. Australia sending clothes. Britain sending ...... ... Replacements!

28) The judge boomed: Defendant, why are you telling me a completely different story from yesterday? DEFENDANT: Because you didn't believe what I said yesterday!

29) BOSS: Do you believe in life after death? EMPLOYEE: Yes, sir. BOSS: Good, when you took leave for your grandma's funeral, she visited our office!

30) This is your mobile operator we can see that you are too dump to use your mobile please put it on the floor and start jumping on it.

31) Always start your day with a lot of... S E X S - SMILE E - ENERGY X - XCITEMENT so make S E X a daily habit, and you"ll always B SUCSEXFUL! in LIFE. "

32) Children who watch TV every night will go down in history not to mention arithmetic, geography and science!

33) Doctors may be right when they tell us that garlic ensures a long and healthy life. But who wants to live that long and be so lonely?!

34) Honesty may be the best policy but there some people who don´t seem to think they can afford the best!

35) What do i do when i see someone extremely gorgeous,attractive,terrific, cute, fabulous... I stare, i smile and when i get tired.... i put down the mirror!!

36) True love is like a pillow.U could hug it whenever u r in trouble. U could cry on it when u r in pain, u could embrace it when u r happy.... Want true love? Easy! Spend 1 dollar, buy a pillow.

37) Never think of the past,it brings tears Never think of the future,it brings fears live life in the present and drink chilled beers..

38) What is the similarity between Circus and a beautiful girls heart? ANS : both have space for one more clown..

39) It is difficult to understand God, he makes such beautiful things as woman and then he turns them into wives.

40) He said...Do u love me just coz of my father left me a fortune? She said...No stupid! I'd love u no matter who left u the money!

41) A newly married girl got 1st class in B.Ed exams. Her husband sent telegram to her parents - BRISTI FIRST CLASS IN BED !!

42) Some realties of love: u love someone u marry someone else. The one u marry becomes ur wife or husband and the one u loved becomes the password of ur mail id.

43) A girl ask a hujur, can I kiss a boy? Hujur: Astagfirulla! Girl: can I kiss my boyfriend? Hujur: Naojubilla. Girl: can I kiss u? Hujur: Alhamdulillah!!!

44) A blond woman picks up a 100. Was it a smart or a ... ...stupid blondone? ...................... stupid of course, there are no others

45) Man says to his wife : Let me take apicture of your breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife : Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged.

46) The first day we met,I wanted you in my bed. Today I know better, so I will write it in my letter. In my bedI've seen so many faces, so I'll fuck you at different places.

47) A man was dying of cancer. His sonasked him:dad why do you keepontelling everyone that your dying of AIDS.He replied"So that when i die no 1 will fuck ur mom

48) Man: I would really like to get into your pants. Woman: No thanks. There's already one asshole in there.

49) When I was a baby, I played with toys. Now I'm a lady and I play with boys!!

50) If you have no voice: SCREAM...... If you have no legs: RUN......... If you have no hope: INVENT…



51) The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

52) When I was a dog, and you were a flower, I walked over you and gaveyou a shower!!

53) NEWS FLASH snow white has been thrown out disneyland. she pulled up her skirt, sat on pinnochios face & shouted lie u bastard, lie, lie!

54) "Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?" ... .. "I ought to be able to. I've had 12 different jobs in four months."

55) "Why don't you give your husband a divorce?" ..... ... ..."What, I have lived with him for tenyears and now I should make him happy?"

56) "What do use for washing dishes?" .."Oh, I tried many things but found my husband best."

57) We have a quiet home life. I don't speak to her and she doesn't speak to me.

58) I was thinking of becoming a doctor. I have the handwriting for it.

59) "Has there been any insanity in your family?" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ."Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he's the boss."

60) A modern artist is one who throwspaint on canvas, wipes it off with acloth and sells the cloth.

61) "Do you think I"ll lose my looks as I get older?" ... ... "Yes if you're lucky."

62) "Look, guide, here are some lion tracks." "Good. You see where they go and I'll find out where they came from."

63) It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look !!

64) But the psychiatrist really helped me a lot. I would never answer the phone, because I was afraid. Now Ianswer it whether it rings or not.

65) When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay inadvance.

66) Room Service? Can you send up a towel?" "Please wait someone else is using it."

67) They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.

68) My friend has a fine watch dog. At any suspicious noise he wakes the dog and the dog begins to bark.

69) "What did one ghost say to another?" .. .."Do you believe in people?"

70) Judge: Why did you hit your husband with a chair?" Wife: "I couldn't lift the table."

71) He was a good man . Never smoked, drank and no affair. When he died, the insurance company refused the claim. They said,'he who never lived, can't die.

72) Galileo used 2 study in smal lamp. Graham bell used 2 study in candle light. Shakspeare used 2 study in street light. I don't know why they didn't study at day time.

73) Nepoleon: there is no such word as 'impossible' in my dictionary. Mr. Bean: then why the hell did u buy it....

74) A 65 yrs women & 27 yrs young man got married.Whole night they live 2gethar.Next morning the young man died.The portmortem report flashed,"The man died 4 expired milk".

75) A man & monkey went to river for bath.Man removed all clothes.Monkey started laughing... Man asked "Why are you laughing?" Monkey said "You have a tail in the front ha ha ha..."

76) A Man Received A Message From His Neighbor: Sorry Sir, I Am Using Your WIFE… Day And Night.. When You Are Not Present At Home… In Fact, Much More Than You Do. I Confess This Now Because I Am Feeling Very Guilty. Hope You Will Accept My Sincere Apologies. The Man Shot His Wife.. A Few Minutes Later He Received Another Message: Sorry Sir, A Spelling Mistake.. I Meant "WIFI."

77) Men Will Always Be Men- Once A Group Of Men Decided To Go For Tirth Yatra. Their Guide Explained To Them That They Might See Some Ladies Bathing In Open And They Should Not Get Distracted At All. When They See Anything Like That, They Should Just Say Hari Om And Move On. Next Day They Started The Yatra And One Of The Men In The Group Said: ‘Hari Om’ And Rest Of Them Said- Kidhar Hai, Kidhar Hai!

78) Men Sure Have Double Standards: Hate Cats But Love P*ssy Hate Donkeys But Love A*s Eat Chicken But Saves His C*ck Hate Dogs But Enjoy Their Style!!

79) An Actress Was Filling Up A Form.there Was A Column In D Form Where 1 Was Required To State Martial Status.married/unmarried.and She Wrote:occasionally Married

80) An EGYPTIAN girl asked an INDIAN boy: What can u do for me? The boy replied: come behind the PYRAMID. I will make u MUMMY.